Day 44

The sickness saga continues...

I've read in many self-help and natural health books that eating ice cream helps to reduce the amount of time you are sick with a cold.  Ice cream is chock-full of calcium, protein, and vitamins, especially B12, which are so helpful, in fact, that a few of the books recommended a diet of only ice cream while you have cold symptoms.  If you do not have any cold symptoms, but have sneezed at all in the past week, the books suggest that you eat at least one scoop of ice cream before bed, nightly, until you sneeze again.  If you haven't sneezed in the past week, and are not currently suffering from cold symptoms, but have been in earshot of someone who has sneezed, even if it was just one of those coughs that sounds like a sneeze so you say, "God bless you" and then they say, "Thank you, but that was actually just a cough" and then you give an awkward embarrassed laugh, the books suggest that you supplement each meal, especially breakfast and the Taco Bell FourthMeal, with ice cream.

My sister spent many long and sleepless nights studying, writing papers, and learning her butt off to graduate from medical school.  She is now a licensed doctor.  This is the accreditation that allowed me to write the books I mentioned above.  So, trust me, my sister is a doctor.  There is nothing that will ward of an illness or speed up a recovery better and faster than ice cream.  I've been illness free for at least negative three days!  Oh, and you should really give those FourthMeals a shot.  I don't really like bragging, but I have already lost 73 pounds in 6 days on the FourthMeal diet.  Doritos Locos, mmmm! 

P.s.  In case you haven't guessed, pretty much all of the above information is false, except for my sister working hard and being a doctor.  That's very true!